I don’t

Know how to be better

I’m mostly tired, and want to lay down

Proverbially

On the moss

And let it consume me

I want to be on your wavelength

But I’m a different kind of light

I think we complement each each other

But you are much more useful

I want to be more like you

But then

I would be less like me

And that wouldn’t be any better

I feel like it has
been a long time since I drank
Coffee with your head in my lap
My sleeping wife
Small wife
Smol wif
Smwif
                Sfffffffff

Sorry I’m getting carried away
Like I usually do

I think I am happiest when
Its late afternoon and the wine hits
The day has been warm and the sun lingers
A leg is thrown over mine
And a cat mrrps at me

A few things that I love

April.
Sitting right in the middle of the sofa
and playing video games.
The dappled light on the walls
and the glittering satin pothos.
Eventually, the setting sun blinding me,
and your skin in the same late afternoon glow

I feel
like I a tangled ball of yarn
And I’m starting to unpick it all
And thats nice but I imagine there will be more knots 
along the way

December crisp
Pale trees rising, grasping 
Upwards like the back of my skull
Reaching for the sky as 
The bass drops

I don’t want the praise
Of anyone but the universe 
I want my heart to stop hurting 
For my chest to feel normal 
I want to feel nothing 
And to slip off into the forest 

Give me praise from the tree
And moss, let me be free of these
Stupid human emotions
I love you but this feels like dying
And i wonder
How much pain can a human heart handle

I don’t know why
My words are disappearing 
Under the blanket of the void
Clear skies are calling me away
From this wildfire mess
And all I want is to express Myself 
More than I currently can

Why does language get lost
In the maze of the brain
Stuck down some rabbit hole
Drinking with memories
Dancing til daylight
And blinking owlishly as I root through the webs 
And aggressively smash words together
 

Is this tired feeling supposed to last 
Until I greet the grave
Is each successive horror
Supposed to build and build and Build
Like the suspense in a film 

Slash

A knife tears through the blanket fort
Covering my generation
As we eat our avocado toast and
Laughcry at the world burning 
Before our tired eyes

I am not a commodity
An incubator, a resource 
I am not 
my vagina
Read that again

I am a soft, warm animal
With lungs and a gastro
Intestinal tract
Just like a bear
Who will tear your face off